I've dreamt of words

I have always dreamt of words my whole life, even in my dreams I dreamt of the words I spoke or the words spoken to me. I envisioned conversations with loved ones and strangers and the emotions in between. However, they was always an indifference about them, I often woke up more intrigued or disturbed by the journey my clouded mind took me in my DREAMS. Sometimes I thought the dreams would become real and I would talk about them tirelessly and other times I found myself seated with a pen and paper spilling my heart with ink.

The irony in this realization is that although I dreamt of words to be spoken I rarely spoke them and if I did they were rarely the TRUTH. Truth, this is the one, the hardest one, the only word that ever made me blink so hard one lash would fall or drift aimlessly in my mind in search of it, it brought me such discomfort. What is my truth?

Believe it or not at no fault of my own I simply don't know it or how to uncover it, I just woke up one day last year and realized that I didn't know of any truth that I held that was my own. I couldn't discern whether I spoke to make others happy or angry or in most cases to protect myself or them. Now! all is not lost because funnily enough through this life epiphany I have discovered a gift of my own, my art in writing not for another but for myself, it gives me peace, almost like a hiding spot where I continue to seek comfort from.

Ha! who would've thought that at my age my mind and tongue could perfect the miniature dance of a 'tom and jerry' act and not as comedic as one would think. Its the reason why this platform exists I didn't know it then and I still don't know it now but it feels so in tune with who I am. Its like if someone asked me who I was? I would struggle to answer , I wouldn't even know what to say but if you read what I write its their as clear as day, ME ! in black or blue, colored or glittered on a ruled piece of paper with misspelt words and no punctuation, almost like a song.

Words have meant so much to me my whole life from - who said them? to how they were written? and even to whom they were written to I just always found its capability so infinitely diverse. It gave me freedom, freedom to express and present myself in any way that I desired to. Now if you ever find something close to that hold onto to it cause for most of us I know that freedom lives in our dreams. So for one day when you dream, dream into reality, find that peace in that dance, or song, or prayer or sport and dream again and again until your life no longer feels like a circular occurrence of events but like a dance or a song or a prayer or even a 90 minute match.

Penzi Tele,

Stacey Wambui.